Knowing what to say to a person who is terminally ill or in hospice can be challenging, regardless of your relationship to them. Here are ten tips from doctors and patients on fundamental things to say and do when you visit someone in the hospital.

Never worry that you will offend someone with your words.

While there is no such thing as the "wrong words," it's best to steer clear of cliches like "we all have to die someday" that come across as insincere or trite. If you're close to this person, you should draw on your own experiences and insights. Express your appreciation by telling them how much they mean to you and how much your life has improved because of their presence.

Reminiscing about the beginnings of your friendship or familial ties is an excellent way to deepen your connection with that person. Maintain your usual demeanor when interacting with this person. If making jokes and chatting about sports were the two mainstays of your relationship, that's fine. Acting in a manner inconsistent with how you usually interact with one another is likely to cause discomfort and give the impression that you are not being sincere. Saying, "I don't know what to say to you, but I'm here for you, and I will keep being here as long as you want me to be," is acceptable if you find yourself at a loss for words.

Don't be shy about checking in with them first to see whether it's acceptable to broach a particular subject, like, "Do you mind telling me what your thoughts are right now about what you're going through?" That doctor's earlier statement truly interested me, and I'd like to chat with you about it. Can I ask whether that's okay? Asking inquiries like these shows that you value the patient's autonomy and respect their preferences.

Finally, keep in mind that simply being there with the other person may be incredibly rewarding in and of itself. They may be too exhausted to continue talking or emotionally drained to think straight. Put on some music or a show and relax together in front of the TV. All that matters is that you show up.

Stop using the phrase "everything will be OK."

It's natural to want to reassure a close friend or family member that things will work out and your intentions are good. Hospice nurse turned breast cancer patient Suzanne Maxey advises, "don't tell someone unwell that they'll conquer it.

She then deems the idea "stupid" and says as much. "I have worked as a hospice nurse for many years. I have triple-negative breast cancer, which inevitably returns. And please don't tell me your mom or best friend is doing great at stage one breast cancer. I'm not dealing with anything like that right now.

Words like "I wish this weren't happening to you," "This must be painful news for you to convey," and "I'm here for you" can help if you're at a loss for what to say.

As Kimberly Borzym, a chaplain at Chicago's Advocate Hospice, says, "ask what you can do and make sure the individual knows you're there and available."

You must never forget that hospice care enhances the patient's quality of life.

  • The frequent misunderstanding that hospice care indicates a person has given up on life is one reason people fear bringing up the topic with their loved ones.
  • Hospice care aids patients and their families make the most of their remaining time together.
  • Most people, especially the elderly, would instead prioritize the quality of life and cherish the time they have left with loved ones at a certain point in the course of a disease.
  • However, it's an excellent place to start if you just talk about things you typically would.
  • Respect the wishes of your loved one who has chosen hospice care.
  • The idea that hospice care hastens death is another myth that has to be dispelled.
  • Many terminally ill patients who are eligible for hospice treatment live far longer than expected.
  • The best way to help your friend or family member is to simply enjoy being with them in the present rather than to dwell on the prospect of healing.
  • Hospice care is terrific because it allows you time to tell the person you care about how much they mean to you.

Question things that interest you.

You might be amazed at how much more at ease your loved one is with the subject of death if you approach discussions about it honestly and freely.

Asking considerate, well-researched questions about their experience and emotions is a great approach to ease the conversation and get insight. As simple as that may be, it may be all it takes to get your loved one to share their feelings regarding hospice care and their experience.

IS THERE A RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO SAY THIS?

The hospice patient and their survivors might benefit greatly from spending time with their loved ones.

This type of talk might be an opportunity to mend fences, find peace, discover shared roots, and create cherished new memories. Depending on the nature of your connection and the circumstances, you may want to say something like the following:

"Because I love you so much."

Remember the last time you said such words to someone you cared about?

Whether you said it yesterday or ten years ago, repeating yourself never hurts.

I appreciate it.

Saying comments like "thank you for being the lovely person you are" or "thank you for always being there for me" to someone who is terminally ill is a touching gesture.

"I apologise; I was wrong."

The two of you will benefit much from releasing any lingering resentment you feel against a loved one if you conclude that they have unresolved difficulties. Now that you've accepted it, you may move on with your life.

What Not to Say to a Terminally Ill Person

  • Be very careful with your words around someone who is receiving hospice care. You should refrain from speaking or bringing up some topics even if you mean well. To name a few of them:
  • Don't send or say anything that implies recovery any time soon. Once the hospice process has begun, it is usually too late to find a cure or therapy; thus, the focus shifts to providing comfort for the patient.
  • Never bring up your theories as to why the dying person is dying. It's insensitive and inappropriate.
  • Be respectful of their views and avoid discussing religion until they specifically inquire about it.
  • Make sure they know you're there for them without making it about you.