Look, talking about estate planning and getting a Will drafted isn't fun for anybody. It's up there with having the awkward "birds and the bees" talk with your kids. Discussing your Will and your estate is on an entirely different level: this is a discussion about your future, your children's future, and your potential grandchildren's future (if you don't have any yet.) Having this uncomfortable discussion can also prevent squabbles among family members, protect relationships, and ensure that everyone is on the same page and understands the decisions you have made regarding estate planning.

The Importance of Transparency in Estate Planning

Understanding the Significance

Imagine a world where everyone knew exactly what to expect—no surprises, no secrets. That's the world you're aiming for when you discuss your Will. Clarify. No surprises when you're gone, no misunderstandings, no hurt feelings. That's what discussing your estate beforehand can do. It's an awkward conversation to have, and one that's worth having with all of your loved ones. It's not simply about divvying up your assets; it's about leaving a legacy of harmony.

Emotional Preparedness

Timing is everything. You need to be in the right headspace to have this discussion with your family. You're going to have a (prepared) discussion about where your assets and your estate are going when you die. That can lead to a lot of hurt feelings when you pass away. If emotions are already running high when you finally decide to sit down and have this conversation, you may want to hold off for just a little while. 

Discussion Preparation

Choosing the Right Time and Place

Having this discussion requires a lot of preparation on your part: when will this be discussed? This conversation deserves more than a passing mention over the dinner table. You need a quiet, comfortable spot where interruptions are unlikely. Make sure everyone who should be part of the conversation can be there. Ideally, this would all be done in person, but if not, an online call to include everyone in the discussion at once should be enough. 

What to Include in the Discussion

Start with the basics—what you have (assets) and what you owe (liabilities). Then, explain the whys of your decisions. Are you leaving the family home to one child and the rest of your estate to another? If so, explain the reasons as to why. Make sure there are no lingering hurt feelings down the line when you pass away. A good, thorough explanation of why everything is going where it's going can help calm any hurt feelings. You don't want anyone (especially your children) to feel left out or excluded from your estate. Transparency is always beneficial. 

The Legal Fallout

Mention that you've got your legal ducks in a row—or if you don't, you plan to. Knowing that there's a legally valid Will in place can help everyone (and yourself) to breathe easier. You want to make sure that everything is legally upheld and all of your documents are valid. 

Conducting the Conversation

Setting the Tone

Approach this talk with love and frankness. It's about caring for your family even when you're not there. Start the whole conversation by expressing your wishes for their future well-being and happiness.

Any Questions 

Be sure to frankly answer any and all questions your loved ones may have. This conversation is a back-and-forth; it's about listening to the concerns of your loved ones as it is about trying to lead the discussion. You may not have all of the answers to the questions presented, but that's okay. Just create a space where all concerns can be equally voiced and heard. 

Dealing with Disagreements

Not everyone will agree with your decisions, and that's okay. If disagreements arise, try to understand the underlying concerns. Sometimes, explaining your reasoning can help, but know that it's ultimately your decision. Follow-up conversations about your decisions may also help. 

Aftermath

Follow-up Actions

Obviously, if there are changes to your estate planning documents, your Last Will, etc, make it known to your loved ones. They should obviously know. A follow-up discussion on why these changes have taken effect is paramount to the family understanding that you have listened to all of the voices in your family. This can reinforce trust and understanding.

Encouraging Ongoing Communication

This is a no-brainer, but keep the lines of communication open. Your family members should always be able to come to you with questions or concerns about your estate. After you have had the initial discussion, the subsequent conversations will be smoother. 

Conclusion

Discussing your Will and estate with your family will never be a casual conversation around the dinner table. In fact, talking about this is up there with talking about religion, money, or politics - it's just uncomfortable to talk about death. Open conversations around this subject are a powerful way to show your love and care for them, even when you're no longer around. It's about peace of mind—for you and for them.